Emmie’s Blog

(The Weakends by Motion City Soundtrack)

So…
Kay, the dog thing fell apart the day of. Needless to say, I was pissed, but I’m done freaking out about it and will mention it no longer.

I’ve officially dropped Crim. And I must admit, I do feel much more committed to the classes that I’m still in. (Except Bio, but I’d never leave it because I need the credit and it does tie into Psych to some degree.) The only thing that has been getting me down as far as school goes is the stupid lab work in Bio. Meaning I still haven’t done last weeks work. True, there is a rule that if you miss one week completely, you have to complete this week’s work before you can do the stuff you missed. Which took me half an hour. Then I was pissy at the bitchy lab examinors and decided to leave and do last weeks’ examination tomorrow. I’m at school anyway. Might as well spread out my depression.
Yesterday Soci got me thinking about reality. More specifically, the social construction of reality (because that’s what I was reading about). I could go on a rant about it, but then I’ll just get distracted from what I actually want to do. (Wait, there’s something I want to do?)
I don’t know. I just like how little we know about the people in our lives and we don’t even really think about it. It’s awesome. That sounds weird. Pretend I never said that.

Anyway, I have a lot more free time than I was expecting to have. So I’m going to finish reading my last Soci article about mass media and do my Psych Labs. Something about monkeys. Not even kidding. I have to go online and it’s going to be something to do with monkeys. I love Psych. It’s so awesome in its methods of teaching.

Registration for summer courses is coming up. And they still haven’t posted all the time tables. PANIC!!!! But not really, because I don’t care. If I can’t register for that one class that just means that I’ll have less work to do. Speaking of which, I should really decide on the rest of my courses. I’ll probably be taking four again. …And actually staying in four. Yes, I know. Saw my Crim prof in the hallway yesterday. So awkward. I suddenly became very interested in my phone.

Also, I stealth put up Diabetes Awareness posters this morning. It’s for some event, I don’t know. Not like anyone looks at them anyway. That’s one thing I like about early morning classes. No one else is there. I don’t like getting up at six, but it’s really quiet. I hate evening classes, but it looks like I’m going to be stuck with them over the summer. Oh well, maybe it’ll be better when that’s what makes up your schedule. Still get to sleep in every day… Damn, how I miss that.

Anyway, I’m off to play with monkeys.

(@!#@?! by Motion City Soundtrack)

So, I didn’t say anything because, for me, it wasn’t a sure thing. But, it looks like we’re getting a dog.

 As soon as this Saturday maybe. I will keep you updated.

Furthermore, I might be the only person on Earth who would be pissed off about an extremely good midterm grade. But I’ve made my decision, and I know it probably seems stupid to other people, but it’s what I think will work for me. So, here goes. Dropping Crim, bye bye midterm. I’m not going to try to justify it to anyone. (I’m saying that because I was going to do just that with that next sentence…and now I’m justifying that statement…whatever.)

Anyway, I went from very tired, to good day, to irritated/exasperated day, to neutral day, to really down day, to happier but very, very tired day.
Which means I need sleep. But I should also quickly skim my Psych chapter. I’ll read it on the weekend. I’ll have the time to now.
Besides, tomorrow is going to be a long day. Better find a way to deal with it.

(All My Days by Alexi Murdoch)

I will not put on Clone High when I should be working on my term paper proposal.
I will not spend all day on msn when I should be working on my term paper proposal.
I will not work on my term paper proposal when I should be studying for my midterm.
I will not put on Clone High when I should be studying for my midterm.
I will not be on msn when I should be studying for my midterm.
I will not watch movies when I should be working on my term paper proposal or studying for my midterm.
I will not blog when I should be working on my term paper proposal or studying for my midterm.

Or, at least, one would hope.
Out of my wonderful William Powell and Myrna Loy collection, I’ve watched Manhattan Melodrama, Double Wedding, and I Love You Again. Critique: 1) Depressing 2) Meh 3) Adorable!!
That leaves two more movies to go! Woo.

…and my term paper proposal and studying for my midterm.

(If There’s a Rocket Tie Me to It by Snow Patrol)

There’s  not a lot I have to say actually. I notice I start a lot of posts like that. Kind of odd. Oh well.

Right, on topic. (What topic?) I went to Richmond yesterday with Scott to pick up some books. They’re going to help me with my term paper apparently. In theory. We ended up at HMV where poor Scott had to wait for me to decide between a 2 for $25 of Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist and Chasing Amy (yay, Kevin Smith movies) and a set of five movies starring  William Powell and Myrna Loy. Then, at some point during my decision making stress thing, I found a three pack of Kevin Smith movies (”Have a Threesome with Kevin Smith!”) which just confused me more. I decided on the set of five since old movies are so hard to find.

Anyone want to help me move out? I am so fucking sick of living here. I’ll live in someone’s closet, any takers?

(The Loneliness of a Middle Distance Runner by Belle and Sebastian)

I’m alone tonight. Even though there have been many nights when I’ve been alone, I feel it tonight. I know I’m alone. I don’t want to be alone tonight. I feel like being selfish and stealing your time.
The past few days have been go-go-go, and now there’s nothing. And I know there’s nothing because I had something.
I miss talking to people. I miss feeling driven for a purpose. You can’t fight for a cause if you don’t have one.
I don’t know what I want, but I know it’s not this.
I hate that sentence. I hate that it shows up when I’m alone, with nothing and no one, and especially no cause.
I also hate that I’ll be over this by tomorrow, but, in the mean time, I’m stuck with this.

I’ve been seriously considering dropping Crim. It’s not that I don’t like it, but I can’t stand a course that’s a complete repeat. My interest lies elsewhere now. Or maybe it doesn’t. Maybe I don’t give a fuck either way. I’m in a miserable mood suddenly. Good, this wasn’t what I wanted to talk about when I logged on. Figures.

(Hero by Regina Spektor)

Yesterday was a lot of fun. Spent the entire day downtown. Lots of crowds once it got into the afternoon, but I was still happy. I feel happy. The sun is out. Which is happy.

On a complete side note, I’m worried about homework that I haven’t worked on or anything. But in the bigger picture I’m not really worried about it. That will probably bite me in the ass eventually, but I really don’t care. Sometimes, it’s just worth it.

I bought a few more books yesterday. And movies. I started reading Franny and Zooeytoday. I’m really enjoying it so far. I’m happy. I think I’ve said that too much within the past couple posts, but it’s a nice contrast to my usual bleh attitude towards the world, so why shouldn’t I enjoy it? I think I try to justify my emotions too much. Or control them or something. I don’t know. This no longer has anything to do with the book. Weird.

I don’t remember what I was going to say. But, I’m feeling more honest lately too. Why shouldn’t I? Bah, I worry too much. But there’s soccer today. I’m looking forward to that too. I’m just in a peaceful, good sort of mood. Okay, shutting up now.

I’m craving a chicken sandwich right now. Cool! You can spell check in Polish. I wish I could speak some random language. Like some random one that you rarely ever encounter so that if anyone starts yelling at you, you could just pretend you don’t speak English. Like on the skytrain. Why don’t I have a transfer? Because I’m a tourist.

Or something like that.
This song is interesting (Hero by Regina Spektor). TVs are trying to rape us apparently. It was on the soundtrack for (500) Days of Summer, which HMV totally didn’t have (the soundtrack I mean, I found the movie).

I’m the hero of this story
Don’t need to be saved
I’m the hero of this story
Don’t need to be saved
I’m the hero of this story
Don’t need to be saved
I’m the hero of this story
Don’t need to be saved
it’s alright it’s alright it’s alright it’s alright it’s alright it’s alright
no one’s got it all
no one’s got it all
no one’s got it all…

(Hysteria by Motion City Soundtrack)

It’s been a good few days. And I’m figuring some stuff out. Feels good.

(I’m Not Okay (I’m Promise) by My Chemical Romance)

Alright, midterms are over. No more school. Not for two weeks. No ridiculous translink. No unnecessary police presence. No immediate stress. I can have at least a week of not worrying about anything school related.
I do have to do my term paper proposal, but I think that’s a small sacrifice in comparison to what I might have to put up with.
Besides, this means we’re about half way. I can live with that.

Apparently it’s going to be sunny next week. Ryan’s coming down for the week because that’s his reading break, so that’ll be fun. I’m looking forward to being somwhat social. Not just with him obviously, there are a lot of people I want to see. It just feels nice to breathe and not have a nagging feeling that I should be doing homework because it’s due in a few days. I’m relaxed. Sort of. I’m actually extremely tired, although I’m sure that my course load isn’t that heavy. I think I’ve just kind of worn myself out. And I had to deal with someone who never fails to stress me out today, so that was lovely of course.
But I should stop whining.

It’s just nice to rant about whatever. And listen to music. I miss my mp3. I really need to buy myself a new one. Oh well, one thing at a time. I should clean my room.
I’ve gone for exactly two runs since last friday and I plan to go for another one tomorrow…depending on the weather and how much I feel like it and what else I have to do tomorrow. And how desperately I want to stay in bed all day instead of doing any of that. But I guess I really should get some of it done before Ryan gets into town and we’re off spending way too much time in HMV or walking around or watching movies or whatever the hell we’re doing this week.
Speaking of which, is it sad that almost every time someone brings up Valentine’s Day, I have to think for a minute to figure out what they’re talking about? I guess “sad” isn’t quite the word I’m looking for. It’s actually kind of funny. Besides, it’s not like I even like Valentine’s Day. So really it’s never been something that I even think about anymore. It’s really just another day that happens to  have a unrealistic label attached to it. Yes, boy toy realizes how I feel about Valentine’s Day… …I just don’t know whether he took the hint to not acknowledge it in any way.
Not that I really think he will, but I’m not used to having a guy be sappier than I am. (Because I will admit, I’m not emotionless/heartless/whatever other things I’ve been called, I have a soft spot for some cute, useless stuff, but not that much.)
Anyway, why am I even talking about Valentine’s Day?? Stupid. And too tired to even pick good subject matter.

Also, I started playing The Path again because, apparently, it helped me complete my Crim homework last weekend. Anyway, I haven’t killed (okay, they don’t really die…do they?? Very abstract, love it) Ginger yet, but I’ve seen her wolf. Creepiest one yet. I do not even want to initiate that sequence. Like, Ruby’s wolf, I wasn’t really that threatened by, I just was unsure as to what was going to happen. Carmen’s was kind of gross, but not what I’d call creepy. But this one? As soon as I got near it, I was like, “No, not dealing with this now. This will freak me out.” I guess it is kind of stupid to get creeped out by a computer game, but it’s probably just the symbollic meaning that I don’t like. It’s not even something disturbing, but I guess it’s something more that I could relate to? Maybe? Is that weird? Probably. Whatever, I won’t worry about it.
Haven’t taken any screen pictures, the character isn’t that interesting. She’s younger than the other ones I’ve played as, so her thoughts are just dumb. Like she’s the captain or something. Kind of a tomboy, I guess.
Why am I ranting about this?
Yeah, I definitely need sleep.

(If You’re Feeling Sinister by Belle and Sebastian)

For some reason, I really like listening to this song when I’m waiting for the bus. It’s very calming. Kind of strange I guess. Oh well.

Just for the record, (500) Days of Summer is an awesome movie. Not only is Zooey Deschanel the cutest effing actress ever (also in Yes Man and a bunch of other stuff that I’m not going to bother listing), but the lead guy, whatever his name is, is awesome. Plus, just because I’m a dork, Matthew Gray Gubler is in it and I love him, so it was like yay! Although, I have to admit, seeing MGG outside of typical Dr. Reid dorkiness and random statistics was very weird. Oh well, still love him. And he said obnoxious things so I lol’d. Well, not so much obnoxious, but more like this character actual knows what sex is, haha.
But that really has nothing to do with the movie or why I liked it. I just loved the humour and the way the plot unfolded. If anyone has seen Amélie, it sort of reminded me of that  in the beginning, but obviously way less French. And therefore, comparing it to Amélie may not have been the best idea. I wonder if I’m even placing the accent the right way. … Yay! I am!

Anyway, Biology is done (minus obviously the studying I have to do), and I’m trying to finish Crim now. Apparently it’s not working because I’m typing this instead. Ah well.

Too busy to make a real post, but feel like I should continue some form of an update. Working on homework, midterm prep, and all sorts of fun stuff like that. When does it leave me time to get other things done in my life? Well, it doesn’t really. The anniversary is coming up fast, gotta get everything prepared. Have to start dealing with the lawn soon now that the weather’s warming up. Should really clean up my room, or at least organize it in a functional way. *Sigh* I don’t know.
Fav lines = bold

Stand Too Close by Motion City Soundtrack

If I stand too close I might fall in
But if I’m too far gone I’ll never win
If you believe in me I might just want to spend some time with you again

I’m afraid I tend to disappear into an anxious state when you draw near
There is no reasoning it’s quite a silly thing
But it’s the way I’ve been for years

So I will understand if you don’t stay
They say I’m great at first but then the magic fades
Into an awful hue of dismal views and pessimistic attitude

All this distance
Years of sweet resistance
Swirling over head
Like angry clouds of discontent

I have apologized a billion times
When I’ve gone off the wall like Busta Rhymes
And pulled a stupid stunt that left you thinking
there was something wrong with me
you’ve thrown a few choice phrases at my way
And I’ve ignored them all as best I could
Except that tiny bit
How I just can’t commit
There is some truth in what you say

All this distance
Years of sweet resistance
Swirling over head
Like angry clouds of discontent

If I stand too close I might fall in
But if I’m too far gone I’ll never win
If you believe in me I might just want to spend some time with you again
I’ll spent some time with you again

If I stand too close I might fall in
But if I’m too far gone I’ll never win
If you believe in me I might just want to spend some time with you again